Deepsee thoughts

Writings and such

  • 2. The hand in the game

      Jokers,  in the card game, do 3 jokers make a set of 3 similar cards or do they make a run of assigned numbers?  How nice to think that they could be both. How lovely to always be in that position, affecting the game in the most positive way.

      Life for almost all of us, goes from being ordinary to suddenly exciting and empowering, when we’re thrusted into being jokers, to well, becoming ordinary again and so on and so forth. 

      A baby…yup game changer! Or…The water can wallah just after a storm when people realize there’s no water! All jokers!

      As people’s  lives move sinuously through events, I’d love to think we are all jokers, every single one of us.   Moving from being something less significant to suddenly being designated as ‘game changers.’  Sometimes we’re snug and comfortable in that position and sometimes caught in the glare blinking our little eyelids out,  thinking ‘whaaaa…meee?’

      I sneakily think those  that the earth calls leaders comprise the former. And then again there are those who’ve always been jokers without knowing a thing about it.

      Ssh…let me open my cards… Do  I have a handful of jokers or am I the one?

      1. A full hand

      A little reality game of the power a wife wields by holding her husband inside her hands made me think….is the gilded cage of fingers for the husband or the wife? 

      What would one do with their hands full of another person?

      Hands that could create, monetize, show and obtain for themselves being sacrificed for an illusory idea of holding control.

      Control. What a double edged sword. The controller is always controlled, by their own will, only they don’t  realize it. What is unrealized flows into unknown dimensions doesn’t it? While the controlled vividly recognizes their boundaries the controller’s bars invisibly stretch and seep into every facet of life and they only reveal themselves over the cruel passage of time. The bars reveal themselves in hollow personal victories over trivial matters and in mute decisions taken not  by the self but by circumstances.

      When given the chance to keep control in my hands, I would quickly shake them, pass the opportunity up, vigorously, and run towards freedom.

      Art courtesy Laya Kumaravel



    1. All is fair in love and game
      Win some and lose too
      Nobody’s to blame.
      A bummer all the same.
      So on a bright day
      India set out to play
      The finals
      Cricket one day world cup
      11 men who 1 billion
      Hoo hoo ed all the way
      10 matches won, unbeaten till then
      India did manage
      To righten statistics
      By losing to the aussies
      There lies the tale
      Of a fail, a fall.
      Oh Blah blah
      Its all just a game
      A game after all

    2. Is dancing alone to music like sex?
      Does the body behoove
      to disobey, to behave?
      Not?
      And find in the delicate sway of hips
      In the thumping out rhythms from the body core
      In letting hands feel the sinuous air
      And palms caress a wish.
      The power of a sexual encounter?
      Does the face raised and eyes closed
      Onto nothingness
      Where the neck does its own necking
      And jiggling breasts
      Move to the beat of the shoulders’ rise and fall
      The arched back
      Raised toes
      Heels down
      And the twirls
      Jumps and body squiggles
      Don’t they all do you like sex?

    3. IN 1995, it turned out that the Stockbroking company V S Krishnaswamy & Co  had an outstanding of ₹ 45 lakh of unsecured OD with Bank of Baroda. My father its sole proprietor’s last breath dramatically turned into the bank manager’s heartfelt sighs.

      BOB Manager’s lament

      Your breath has stilled

      As you drew in deep

      Gaggingly

      The last draught of breath

      A wisp

      Of my career’s end

      Got caught with it

      Enmeshed

      Oh Sundar, Sundar

      You so trustingly I so trustingly

      A several lakh deal made

      Unmade now

      Unmasked I

      Unretired I’m Undone

      Oh Sundar, Sundar

      You’re gone

      Gone, gone gone

      Everything’s gone, gone, gone!

      We all paused in our despair to look at this small unremarkable man whose face was transformed into something straight out of a Shakespearian tragedy.

    4. The boy tore down the mountain path on his bike. The hill curved gently and he screamed to a stop. From his vantage point, he could see the vast waters stretching out. The majestic ship slowly drew close to the shore. Soon thousands would step ashore to be whisked away by their loved ones.He was going to pick up his best friend. The boyhood pal with whom he’d shared first steps, tumbles and the trembling lips which were soothed by familiar bosoms. The boy with his bright black spiky hair used to bang his bristled head into his friend’s smooth one and be the one to wail. They grew up as neighbours, classmates and gully cricket mates. No teacher nor master could tell which hand threw the stone and which boy whistled at the new teacher. They were close like that: Fist cuffing each other then running out laughing together. The little boiled sweets of summer afternoons were their secret, enjoyed in the cove under the neighborhood banyan tree.As he turned the final curve and rushed down, the wind whistled through his ears, and then, then he felt the sudden quiet of having stopped, and reached.Usually the disembarking point would be a sober affair, people just getting onto land and making their way to their destination. But today was different. A parade of parades seemed to be about, welcoming the embarked in ridiculous, incredible, gasp worthy ways!What was usually a brown, sandy affair  had opened the curtains to a new world of intriguing colour, animation, and drama. And magic, yes the air was full of it.In the sudden glut of colorful crowds, the boy searched for his friend. The pal who had to suddenly leave across the waters. He remembered the muscles running tense in the men around them. He remembers the tears hanging heavy in the women’s eyes. ‘Kill’ was a new word the boys learnt. To kill or to be killed. The boy’s friend’s parents chose a new word: ‘Run.’  And like many on a sudden harsh night, they crossed the black waters with his friend tucked beneath them. Just like that. Gone.His eyes widened at the disembarking point. What was happening? The first shock to him was a beautiful unicorn, its horn glistening in palettes of silver, gold, dew drops and rainbows. It reared its front legs and galloped towards a man standing with his suitcase, looking a bit lost. The moment the unicorn ran to him, he seemed to relax. He stroked it gently, got on it and he rode off into what turned into a spectacular sunset.The entire muddy banks were transformed into virgin green meadows, little brook banks, and the embarked people were being greeted by an astonishing array of people, creatures, pets, and more.A woman with a face full of bliss was gently welcomed by a divine being shining in golden hues. She melted into his arms, while a man was greeted by a boisterous golden retriever. He gave a shout at it and galloped away with the dog that was all over him. Indescribable joy. A family found themselves embraced by people who looked just like them. They slowly swirled away without losing contact with each other.A golden chariot hung with gems and dancing flowers descended and picked a tiny frail old man. And slowly rose up and disappeared.The boy looked with his mouth open. Some people were simply carried forth by bands of colours, like they were walking on rainbows.One elephant swayed forth and gently picked up a child and put her on him and she laughed as it frolicked off. The boy could hear her delighted peals for a long time.The camels came, along with horses and cats and cats, eagerly leading their people home.Swirls of rats, rabbits, birds and little cockroaches appeared and disappeared. The most astonishing? A group of venerable looking people sat in a circle and slowly shimmered away into a shiny nothingness.The boy’s eyes desperately seeked his friend. Did he travel with this astonishing bunch? He had promised that he would come today. Had he?The two had desperately tried to establish contact – mining the social network devotedly, a daily exercise that two did with obsessive intensity. The universe had answered. The boy had finally got his friend’s number and called him. A gap of 5 years vanished in 5 seconds. And the day the boy’s friend would travel to meet his boyhood pal? Today.Where was he in this melee of astonishing events?And the boy saw him. Standing with an arm raised towards him. Beyond him the sea glistened gold, aquamarine and violet. The setting sun which had been setting for what seemed like hours shone on his friend’s spiky hair. He saw beyond his friend, the stately ship which he saw sailing in lay on one side and was being embraced by the sea. There were people floating in the waters. The sea seemed to hold the entire contents of the ship, gently rolling them to a final rest.The boy’s astonished eyes swivelled back to his friend whose face was shining with love for him. He was waiting for him, patiently as he promised he would. The boy ran to him, pushing his bike with energy. It had been an appointment long imagined, intensely awaited and happening just now.The boy and his friend were just a foot away from each other. He let his bike drop and jumped into his friend’s awaiting arm’s. They hugged. Drew apart, fist bumped and hugged. Drew apart, boxed a bit and hugged.The boy brought his bike forward and his friend climbed on. Away they went on the rugged mountain path, swerving the steep turns. Oh on that particular difficult turn, the boy saw himself twisted and sprawled. What does it matter now?He turned around, his friend was enjoying the fiery ride, holding him tight, eyes shining. And they rode on.

      In the beginning, my father died.(Or how we giggled – the subtext to the BOB manager’s lament)BOB Manager’s lamentYour breath has stilledAs you drew in deepGagginglyThe last draughtA wispOf my career’s endGot caught with itEnmeshedOh Sundar, SundarYou so trustinglyI so trustinglyA 45 lakh deal madeUnmade nowUnmasked IUnretired I’mUndoneOh Sundar, SundarYou’re goneGone, gone goneEverythingGone, gone, gone!We all paused in our crying to look at this small unremarkable man whose face was transformed into something straight out of a Shakespearian tragedy. He was the harbinger of the things to come.

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